While I was leading the live writing session at 3:30 I realized it might be valuable to have more reading on this concept of paradox, of heaven AND earth... etc... so I am posting a couple past Daily Passion Activator Articles for you to read below.
Love, Rather
© 2009
Julie Jordan Scott
I will admit it: my attitude in this moment borders on annoying. Yes, I am annoying
myself.
You see, today bears the feeling of a "to-do"
list day. I lot to do, so I create a list of
"I must do this, I must do that" and imagine
the satisfaction of saying and yes, even the
feeling of satisfaction as I check check check
the inconsequential tasks from my list.
I see a sort of "Zorro" meets "Mrs. Doubtfire"
meets "Hazel" all on a simple task oriented list.
I find it populates itself in post-it notes
and journal entries scattered on my kitchen
table and home-office desk.
I sit down with my notebook.
"Am I ready for the longer-term-to-do's?" I
ask myself.
"In what sense?" I answer my own question
with a question.
My Other Self says: "I mean, you are a leap
in, no worries, minimalist in pre-planning,
knit-the-net-as-you-fly kinda gal right?" I
feel the pause crackle through the air. "Right?"
Myself Says: "Yes and No."
My Other Self says, dismissively yet with
an edge: "Wishy-washy"
Myself says: "Yes and No! I appreciate and
inject strategy. My mindfulness has increased
and ironically, my fear at times (cloaked in
hesitation) joins with that."
I pause again, less cracking, more calm air
comes in. "I am finding I am a master
of avoidance."
"Like right now."
My Other Self whispers, "What if you loved your
avoidance rather than judged it?"
I think: "How can I love avoidance?!" (I almost
lit my journal on fire with a cute snowman
candle as I wrote that, nudging the paper
with a stronger intensity than I imagined.)
My other self says: "How can you love your
`unique' child, your nice way of saying
`autistic child'?"
Me: "Not even child with autism?"
Other me: "Is that avoiding?
Me: "I want to say `I don't know' but since
I won't let my coaching clients say that...
Other Me: "What else can you say?"
Me: I don't think it is avoidance. It is what
I believe. I believe autism is uniqueness. I
don't see atypical neurology as bad. Its
just unique.
Other Me: "So its not avoiding to call
Sam `unique'."
Other Me: "And you love it, all of it,
Sam and his uniqueness."
Me: "Yes. And I hate it, too."
Other Me: "That makes sense in what way?"
Me: "It makes sense because I just know it. I
know I hate it because of what he may have
to endure because of it – what he has had to
endure because of the way he processes
language and the way he experiences life
in general when life doesn't upset `normal'
kids it upsets him. It makes me mad that he
(and all of us) have to learn to negotiate
differently yet I love that we have to do
it, too. It is a paradox. It just is, and I
just know it is and I am ok with it. I am
not avoiding it. I love it. And even when
I avoid it, I love it."
I pause. "I don't know if I am doing this right.
I need the how-to book to double check."
See what I mean about annoying myself?
That "conversation" I had with myself was
actually one of my "to-do's" and quite an
enlightening one.
This writing is also one of my "to-do's" and
one I enjoy quite a lot. Writing here is
like hanging out with you over a cup of
coffee at Dagny's. I love doing that.
The question that arose in my conversation
with myself was such a valuable one: "What
if you loved _________ rather than judged it?"
I was talking about avoidance but it could
be anything you have marked as "wrong" whether
it is on your to-do list or any aspect
of your life or the world at all.
Let me show you what I mean.
"What if you loved your partner's way of
doing laundry rather than judged it as being
wrong because it is different than how you do it?"
"What if you loved the way your neighbor
decorated their house for the holidays rather
than judged it?"
"What if you loved your own perceived
weaknesses rather than judged them?"
Before you dismiss any of these as frivolous,
please take time with them.
Add yours in here, as they percolate
in the pondering process:
"What if you loved _________ rather than
judged it?" (change the exact wording
to fit for you.)
"What if you loved _________ rather than judged it?"
"What if you loved _________ rather than judged it?"
What if?
What if?
What if?
Ask yourself these simple questions throughout the
next few days.
Add the question to your "to-do" lists, in whatever form
they might take.
Allow the responses to dribble forward in your mind.
Don't push them, don't nay-say them, just give them
space to come forward and meet you.
These words from Alice Walker say it just right:
"I have learned not to worry about love;
but to honor its coming with all my heart."
Honor the love wanting to come to you by asking
and living the questions posed here... What if?
= = = = = =
How to Tap Into The Joy of Passionate Paradox
© 2007
Julie Jordan Scott
Paradoxes melt in my heart and soul almost the same
way chocolate melts in my mouth – rich, deeply invigorating
and often times filled with surprises.
What sounds impossible I know is absolutely true – that
being still in the midst of a maelstrom and pulsating with
energy while simply gazing at the stars – this is where
passion most truly lives.
Passion lives the vividly in the center of the paradox, in
the place where the truth dances – with life, with vigor,
with silence, with harmony and with cacophony.
I was raised in a large, busy family where noise was the
status quo. I learned early to work and focus no matter
how much of a hubbub surrounded me. I discovered that
sometimes the most sacred experiences of sanctuary actually
came from being immersed in the hubbub, completely – and
being in awe of the life force that quietly flowed even in
what seemed like chaos.
At Disneyland recently I stood, waiting patiently in a
crowd to get on board Rockin' Space Mountain. I quietly
sent love, sent kindness, sent peace to the others as they
waited. Ironic? Yes. Perfect? Yes – absolutely.
It was in a moment with my Muse when I felt the most
springy inside, the most vulnerable, the most perplexed
and bewildered. I reclined on a tarp spread across the
soil, looking up at the stars, quiet on the outside and
reflective yet pulsing wildly on the inside. The fire
warmed one side of my body and the other side
of my body was shivering against the cold, December
air. "You look so beautiful, lying there in repose" My
Muse said to me.
You can practice your own version of this paradox,
as Indira Gandhi reminds us "You must learn to be
still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly
alive in repose."
Yes – your passionate embrace of life is worth
exploring now.
Consider a time when you felt extra busy – what might
you have focused on to bring your heart to center
amidst the outer appearance of chaos?
Consider a time of deep relaxation – what might you do
to stay fully awake and alert amidst this sacred
time of quiet?
Now – be on the look out for times to practice this
passionate paradox – and let me know how it goes.
Re 'Love rather'.
ReplyDeleteYou are getting there!
We are taught to judge others by subtle forces and not so subtle forces from our first breath. You can run through your own list of people, art, music, food, religions etc, and we divide into economic 'winners' and 'losers', 'in' and 'out' (of fashion) divide by age, gender, colour, house size, job... it is unending until you end it.
Now, after so many years of judging I smile with recognition at a person battling weight, afflicted with a hare lip, blind, sitting on a park bench sipping cheap wine from a bottle in a plain brown wrapper. I now really see them and feel a kinship denied me until recently by prejuduce learned at my mothers knee, my father's church and my education. With nobody to judge and nobody to hate there is only relief at the removal of those responsibilities and the opportunity to feel good to be inside the human race.